


but now you'll never get to find out

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bloodswap, Other, bloodswap, olive!gamzee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 05:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4948039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you never knew why your lusus had chosen you in the caverns all those sweeps ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	but now you'll never get to find out

**Author's Note:**

> a short fic for a bloodswap i'm working on!! think of this as an experiment.
> 
> major content warnings for child abuse, neglect, and a couple bits of implied death (particularly that of a parent/guardian).
> 
> olive gamzee thinks about the relationship he had with his lusus.

you never knew why your lusus had chosen you in the caverns all those sweeps ago.

 

maybe you had looked promising. maybe he felt he could handle you. maybe you were his only choice. whatever his reason was, it hardly matters now.

 

your lusus never loved you. that isn’t to say he hated you - you think it would’ve made things a lot easier if he had. no, he didn’t hate you. it was more like he was… disappointed in you.

 

you tried everything. you took up music. he didn’t care. you studied hard and aced all your schoolfeedings. he still didn’t care. no matter what you did, it never impressed him. you were never enough. you were not what he wanted. and now you never will be.

 

_(what have you done)_

 

he never protected you in the way a lusus should have. he never encouraged you. never praised you for your hard work, never stopped you from making stupid mistakes. the only time he ever punished you was when you broke his golden rule:

 

you must never leave the hive.

 

you assume he must’ve been ashamed of you. trying to keep you isolated from the rest of the world, to ensure nobody saw what a failure his wriggler had turned out to be. or maybe he didn’t want you to start hoping for something better.

 

eventually, you broke the rule. of course you did. and it was over something so ridiculous, too. you wanted to go meet an internet friend. so you waited until he went to sleep, and you left. of course, when you came home, you were met with a firm, yet forgiving kick in the rear. though you’re not sure if forgiving is the word you would have used. from that point forward, he never had to work to keep you from sneaking out. you hardly even left your room.

 

_(there’s blood everywhere, you have to run, run and never look back, oh god)_

 

you are thankful, in some ways. thankful that he chose you (you shudder to think how any lesser troll would’ve handled it), thankful he kept you trapped at home (it makes it easier to go off the grid).

 

though you do have to wonder if it was every really about you. if there was ever truly a way you could lived up to his expectations. most of all, you wonder why he chose you.

 

but now you’ll never get to find out.

 


End file.
